Wanted

Wanted:
3 foot by 5 foot fence panel which will attach securely to the top of pictured crib. Should fit snugly over the top portion of crib to contain monkeys ranging from 18 months to 4 1/2 years old. Fence panel should be painted with (lead free) white glossy paint, able to withstand drool, smashing foreheads, and prying fingers.

You know that kids song, "Three little monkeys jumping on the bed....one fell off and bumped her head...?" These are our little monkeys and this morning they were all jumping in this crib having a grand ol' time.

The Park

I used to think parks were parks and kids would just go and play on the play structures in the same way. However, after hitting a few parks we've begun to notice a pattern with our kids.

The Climber:
No matter the type of park or play structure, Nathan just loves to climb. At times this gets a little scary but so far he's managed to stay pretty safe. Coming down is a different story. He's still pretty cautious and prefers to shift into reverse and back up to get onto slides in order to make a quick exit from a structure.

Mr. Tanbark:
Daniel could be standing in front of the Taj Mahal and he would still be in this position. For whatever reason, he's always fascinated by little bits and pieces on the ground. He could play like this forever (and often does) when we're at the park.

Miss High Energy:
Rachel is more of the typical park-goer. Lately, she's enjoyed sprinting in circles around the perimeter of the play structures. Most of her park time will also be spent demanding that I chase her on, around, in, through, on top of, and underneath said park structures. It's fun for the first 2 minutes and then I remember very quickly that I'm no agile 3 1/2 foot kid. It's like a two-seater sports car running from a big-rig hauling a double-wide load.

The Astronaut:
Yvonne never passes on a chance to go supersonic on a swing. (No, the photo is not out of focus. Yvonne is approaching terminal velocity and about to break the sound barrier...)

Who Needs a Sofa?

Who needs a sofa when you have a nice and comfy brother...

They're All Smiling!

All hope is not lost (as mentioned in this blog post)

Miracle of miracles...they're all looking at the camera AND smiling.

Copycats

Our kids love to copy each other...especially the twins. It would be great if that held true for both good and bad habits but it seems like only the bad stuff is fun to do. Throwing food, dumping milk, standing in your highchair? Sure, that's loads of fun. If I had to guess, I'd almost say that in addition to copying each other, they actually try to "out do" each other and top each other's antics.

I just can't seem to figure out how to get them to copy each other when one is displaying positive, socially acceptable behavior like sitting quietly, eating without a mess, etc.

We're in Trouble...

If you've been to our house lately you've undoubtedly noticed the incredible number of baby gates everywhere. I often joke that our house looks more like a horse stable with all of the gates up everywhere. That could all come to an end very soon though.


Pop Quiz:
Daniel is smiling because...

1. He loves to "cheese" for the camera,
2. He finds humor in the feeble attempt his parents have made in trying to keep him out of a room by using a flimsy baby gate,
3. He knows that he can pick up the toy globe in the corner and throw it over the banister (gleefully watching it smash into a million pieces downstairs) before mommy can drop the camera and stop him, or...
   
4. He has come to the realization that he can climb over baby gates and nothing can stop him now
   

Answer? All of the above...Especially #4. The climbing stage has begun...

Birthday Weekend in San Francisco

I'd never been to Alcatraz before so for my birthday Yvonne, Rachel, and I spent a couple days in San Francisco playing tourist (we had a couple shifts of grandmas, grandpas, and aunts watching the boys at home). We took BART to the City and then rode the Muni historic streetcars to Fisherman's Wharf where we checked into the Argonaut Hotel (probably one of the best hotel experiences we've had). After that we hit Fisherman's Wharf, Pier 39, and then boarded a boat that took us to Alcatraz Island. Here's some photos:
Getting on the BART train. Rachel was pretty excited about this part. Taking public transportation was definitely the way to go. We found out it would cost us $39/night to park in the City.


The weather was freezing (and rainy on the second day) but at least it kept most of the tourists away.


Before we started eating this snack at Pier 39, we asked Rachel to say grace for the food. Her prayer went something like this, "Dear God, thank you for this food, thank you for this special day, thank you that daddy fights bad guys and that has a gun and can shoot them if he needs to..." Uh...o-k-a-y... (little does Rachel know that Daddy is in middle management and the only thing he fights now is trying to keep that ring off his belly). Not sure where that prayer came from. Might have been all the prepping we were doing since Rachel wasn't thrilled about going to see a prison. By the way, Rachel's not just smiling for the camera. She has that "I love ice cream" smile going on. You know it's a special day when you get to eat deep fried food and ice cream in the afternoon.


The boat ride was pretty fun (and c-c-c-cold).


This photo doesn't show how steep this hill really was. It also doesn't show that it's the second of three such steep inclines to get to the prison portion of Alcatraz. Rachel waited until we got to the top of the hill before she started the "I have to pee" dance. The restrooms? They're at the bottom...of course. So after running down the hill carrying Rachel, we got to the bathroom in time and then we walked (more like I carried) Rachel back up the hill. Yes, look really closely...that's us coming up the hill.


Priceless...(the ultimate "timeout")


We had dinner at Cioppino's. The food was awesome. We had sourdough bread with clam chowder, Dungeness Crab pizza, and a huge bowl of seafood cioppino.


After dinner we walked over to Ghirardelli Square and found the Ghirardelli Chocolate Cafe where we ordered a hot fudge warm brownie sundae. Poor Rachel...one minute she was diligently digging away at the sundae and the next minute she says, "I'm full...I'm tired"...and then, LIGHTS OUT.

The following morning (after sleeping in) we rode a streetcar to the Ferry Building Marketplace for brunch. Everything looked great but we settled on the San Francisco Fish Company and we weren't disappointed. We split a lobster burger and a smoked salmon breakfast burrito. Staying true to our ice cream themed weekend, we ended with some strawberry and French chocolate gelato from Ciao Bella Gelato. Yeow. After brunch it was time to face reality so we jumped back onto BART and headed home.

All in all, I have to say this was one of the best birthdays I've ever had.

Bacon?

We tried out Waiters on Wheels and ordered sushi for dinner tonight. Rachel really likes sushi. This was our conversation:

Me: Hey Rachel....
Rachel: What?
Me: Guess what's for dinner tonight?
Rachel: I don't know....what?
Me: It's your favorite food...
Rachel: Bacon?
Me: Uh, no.
Rachel: Ice cream?
Me: No.
Rachel: Broccoli?
Me: You like broccoli that much? Try thinking of a type of food...you know, American, Mexican...
Rachel: Bacon!
Me: Nevermind

Cotton Candy - Part 2

In case you needed some proof of this post, here's a video clip of Rachel at Disneyland...after cotton candy:

Aaaahhhhhh!!!!!

Some people's cars leak oil. Others leak antifreeze. Ours leaks milk.


Setting: On our way home from Disneyland. Carl's Jr. parking lot in Coalinga. (Coalinga, by the way, is in the middle of nowhere off of Interstate 5....so there was no one near us to hear us scream)

Time: About 5pm. Pulled in to Carl's Jr. to let the kids run around and stretch and grab a bite to eat.

Weather: Starting to rain and getting worse by the minute.

The Incident: As we're getting ready to leave, we hand each kid a cup of milk. We hit the automatic sliding doors on the minivan and Nathan times his throw perfectly. The cup lands just right to be pinched by the door and pop the lid off splashing milk ALL OVER the interior of the car. After a few hundred Carl's Jr. napkins (and getting wet from the rain), we look under the car and it's dripping milk. Unbelievable. I never knew you could spill something on the inside of your car and have it leak out on the underside.

But wait...there's more

We finally clean everything up and are about ready to go when I look at Daniel sitting there happy as a clam, taking a milk shower. Yup, hands raised up high, cup upside down (and empty), and a big smile. He's completely soaked from his shirt to his pants to the car seat. Lovely...just lovely.

By the way, for some less stressful photos of our trip, click here.

Overwhelming the Senses

There are a striking number of similarities between a SWAT dynamic entry and the ability of twin 18 month olds to reap destruction and mayhem upon a hotel room. SWAT operators will usually joke that S.W.A.T. stands for Sit, Wait, and Talk because any call out will typically involve hours of sheer boredom followed by seconds of explosive adrenaline pumping activity. More on this in a second...

We spent most of today on the road making our way south to Anaheim where we plan on spending the week with friends at Disneyland. On the way down Yvonne and I marveled at how well our kids were traveling compared to trips we've taken in the past. I'm sure the kids were bored but the combination of snacks and DVD's to watch really helped keep them busy. By the time we got into Anaheim, everyone was hungry, restless, and tired. We picked up some burgers for dinner and checked in to our hotel.

Now the SWAT part...

When a SWAT team makes an entry into a house, one strategy involves a combination of speed and overwhelming the senses of the occupants inside. This usually involves using flashbangs (which emit temporary blinding light and extremely loud explosions), breaking and raking multiple windows on different sides of the house, and causing various other distractions. If you're inside when this happens, you don't really have time or ability to react other than cowering in the corner.

Well, we got into our room and gave the boys each a cup of milk while we tried to put things away. Before we knew it, everything that could be reached went airborne, drawers were flung open, and milk was going everywhere....all in the span of seconds. It was like time stood still as these guys zipped around the room tearing into everything. Nathan pours a puddle of milk on the carpet so Yvonne snatches him up to get him cleaned. I run for towels and as I turn around, Daniel has his milk cup upside down and looks like he's drawing graffiti on the floor (and himself) as the milk pours out of the straw. As soon as you put one guy down, you see magazines flying, pen and paper getting thrown, etc. Overwhelming indeed.

Sit down for a quiet dinner? No way...

Memories...we're creating family memories!

Bionic Ears

A photo from our road trip down to Anaheim / Disneyland today. Rachel gets the third row and has her "kingdom" setup with books, markers and paper to draw, and snacks. For those of you who know the Honda Odyssey well, the third row is a decent ways back. Add in a DVD with a cartoon going in the background and you normally wouldn't be able to hear what's going on in the front of the car.

Well, I was getting sleepy so I asked Yvonne to pass me a See's candy chocolate lollipop. We knew enough to keep it out of line of sight from the kids but when Yvonne started unwrapping it, we hear, "WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE UNWRAPPING MOMMY??? I WANT A LOLLIPOP...CAN I HAVE A LOLLIPOP?" coming from the back of the van. Funny how, "eat your vegetables" and "hurry up and get dressed" don't seem to elicit the same amount of attention and response...

Meals

My first clue that it would be a rough dinner was when all three kids were screaming their heads off BEFORE the food even hit the table. They all had a blast at a birthday party earlier in the day and I had just woken Rachel up from a deep sleep. The boys took a vote and decided to pass on the nap. Both were plenty tired by the time dinner started.

After Rachel came out of her grogginess (and crankiness to go with it), she actually did great and started munching away at dinner. She normally eats slower than a herd of turtles running through peanut butter but tonight she was hungry and liked the Vietnamese Pho noodle takeout.

The boys lasted about 2 minutes in their highchairs before they wanted out and BOTH wanted me to hold them. It was pretty surreal. Both are at my feet screaming but when I put them on my lap do they calm down? No way. It was like they worked it out together. Now that they were both on dad's lap and closer to weapons on the table, the fight was on. Daniel's got a pair of chopsticks doing his best orchestra composer impersonation while Nathan prefers the empty hand smack-Daniel-on-the-head technique. By now I'm used to this (AND HUNGRY) so I keep eating, carefully navigating the twin force field of flailing arms, chopsticks, utensils, and a food-stained stuffed animal (it doesn't hurt when it hits you but man it does a lot of damage to a bowl of soup).

On the bright side, Yvonne comes home tomorrow (although the fact that either or both parents are at the dinner table doesn't guarantee a peaceful meal). There's a reason why we don't go to restaurants anymore...

Survivor

Yvonne's cousin in LA is having a baby shower this weekend so I thought it would be a great opportunity for her to get her first (well deserved) vacation where she can shop, eat, and read a book without having kids tugging at her legs wanting something. She left this morning and will be back Monday afternoon. Yup...just me and the kids....five days....

You might think I'm either out of my mind or will be stressed out all weekend. Nothing could be further from the truth (well, at least the latter part). You see, I've been fortunate to have had a good amount of tactical, survival, and endurance training so now that I've barricaded myself in my office with a couple bags of chips, a microwave, two frozen lasagnas, and a case of Costco water, I think I'll be fine.

It's kind of a like a scene out of the movie Jurassic Park. Occasionally I'll hear the sights and sounds of the rug rats running back and forth, scratching and sticking their fingers under the door. The one they call "Rachel" seems to be the leader; organizing the other two in strategic raids as they slowly and methodically gain access to more parts of the house. I tried peeking under the door to gain more intelligence but all I can make out is a skirmish line of Disney Princesses, stuffed animals, and gobs of Play-Doh everywhere. From the sounds of it, I think they found the food pantry so I'll just stay cool for a few days and wait for Yvonne to return.


Yvonne: If you're reading this I am totally kidding...really. We're all fine and that new stain remover you got works really great on the carpets, walls, and ceiling too!

A Couple Videos...

The Wagon King (sometimes it pays to be a few minutes older)

Daniel practicing his volleyball skills to take on Uncle Brad

Mr. Poker Face

So this morning I was hanging out with the boys in the family room. Rachel was off at preschool and Yvonne was out on a walk with a friend. After playing with them for a bit I decided to take a break and put on a Sesame Street episode while I checked my email. Nathan was sitting on a mini-couch and Daniel was standing about a foot in front of him, both watching the TV. Nathan was also holding this hammer shaped toy that made funny kazoo noises when you shook it.

I had my back to them when I heard CRACK! I turned around to see Nathan with a blank expression on his face and Daniel looking at me wide-eyed but not saying anything. It didn't look or sound like Nathan used the toy to hit Daniel because I didn't hear that characteristic kazoo sound.

As soon as I turned around to face the monitor...CRACK! There it was again. I turned around and Nathan had the same blank expression but Daniel's eyes were wider and his expression was like, "Did you see that? Do something!!!" However, Daniel wasn't crying and Nathan was just sitting there calmly. Besides, the whole scene didn't look like their typical fights so I was starting to think the sound had to have come from someplace else. I stared at them for a few more seconds but nothing happened so I turned back around.

It should be noted that on a whole, Yvonne and I try not to rush in between our guys when they fight over toys or start screaming at each other. Other people that help us take care of the boys often rush over and give them a different toy or something just to distract them. However, we are more of the mindset that these guys have to figure out how to work things out on their own and need to learn how to share.

As I return to reading my email....CRACK..squeek! I whipped my head around just in time to see Nathan in his follow through swing. Daniel starts screaming his head off and now the fight is on. Poor guy. As I'm breaking up the fight and prying the hammer toy away from Nathan, I can't help but think about his ability to keep a straight poker face during this whole thing.

Playing With Dolls

I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I walk into Rachel's room to see that she has put both brothers in dresses. It's bad enough that the boys think it's funny to wear Rachel's princess tiara while they run around the house.

Well, tonight I can hear Yvonne laughing in Rachel's room when she says, "You gotta see this..." I walk in and Yvonne tells me the boys are playing with Rachel's Dora doll. As a side note, we can't stand Dora. I don't know if it's the whiny voice or what...we just can't stand her. While I'm still trying to take it in, Yvonne tells me not to worry..."Take a closer look." It turns out the boys were playing with a Dora doll AND a MANLY SWAT guy toy (no...I'm not going to call it a SWAT doll). Seems the SWAT toy was "taking care of" Dora and blasting her off the shelf. I don't condone violence but you gotta admit that's pretty funny. Phew...

Here's a close up:

Some Photos...

Nothing quite like splitting a chocolate covered biscotti with your brother...


Rachel has taken up baking with Yvonne. Here she's showing off a couple tree cakes she made.


It's all fun and games until your brother jumps up and launches you off the see-saw.

Cool Wheels

Here are the kids riding three deep in their fancy 2007 Radio Flyer wagon. This thing has flip out seat backs, molded non-abrasive plastic, cup holders, three point seat belts, and wide wheel axles to prevent tipping. I'm sure the automatic seat lifter, DVD entertainment, and GPS systems will be in the 2008 model.

In my day, we rode in rust covered metal wagons that were death traps. If the jagged metal edges didn't get you, you were surely guaranteed to go flying the instant the wagon turned (then again, being towed by someone riding a dirt bike wasn't exactly the safest of practices...) Heck, I don't think helmets were even invented yet.

The next time these kids are riding in the wagon I should kick it over just to build their character a little...show 'em how things were in the 'ol days. Although if I did this on a playground I'm sure they would just bounce off the super-padded ground filled with tanbark that is guaranteed not to give you any splinters. Sheesh...

Did We Get Everyone?

It started out as a joke I would always say when the twins were first born but I think deep down, it's my way of double checking if we really did get all of the kids into the van. By now, if you're a frequent reader of this blog, you know that the kids all have a mind of their own and at times, can be like herding cats. Sunday mornings are usually the craziest because our day starts about an hour earlier as we try to get out the door by 8:00am to get to church.

Fortunately, Yvonne and I work pretty well as a team so these days, what used to take almost two hours can pretty much be done in about 30-45 minutes (getting kids washed up, dressed, and fed). It's crazy at times but as long as all three kids end up in the van it's a success.

By the way, the photo above is from the child mirror installed below our rear view mirror. It's what we see when we drive the kids around.

I grew up in the 80's watching the old Battlestar Galactica sci-fi and every time I look back there I'm reminded of the Cylons (robotic bad guys) because that's EXACTLY how they sat when they were flying their ships (with the ring leader sitting behind and in the middle of the other two).

Control...

Once the kids outnumbered the adults in the Hsiung household, Yvonne and I learned very early on that we could only control so much. This was especially true once the boys started walking. We go to great lengths to make sure none of the kids are in any grave danger but the bottom line is if they split in three directions simultaneously, one will always get away. We can either stress out about it (and still not be able to do much about it) or just hope they don't get into anything really bad or break anything...we opt for the latter.

The nighttime wash up routines can be real crazy (but fun) when it's just Yvonne and I. In general, Yvonne handles the washing while I do the drying and dressing. Rachel always goes last because she's more independent and can often help us corral the boys. The real fun begins when Rachel is in the bath, one guy is getting dried off and dressed, and the other is COMPLETELY FREE to roam around our room while my hands are full.

Tonight, Daniel was all done and dressed while I had Nathan on the changing table getting him dried off. Because of the layout of our room, the shortness of Daniel, and the furniture in there, I only had a partial view of him as he buzzed around the room. With my hands busy and my back to the rest of the room, I subconsciously perk up my ears to hear what Daniel is up to. I hear stuff like my nightstand drawer opening and closing (waiting to hear him shrieking from getting his fingers caught...but that doesn't happen), the sound of my cellphone flipping open and shut, and then more drawers opening and closing. In my peripheral vision rolled up socks are getting thrown around followed by giggles. All this time I might catch a glimpse of him darting back and forth happy as a clam. The next time I see him he's holding my cellphone up to his ear walking around and saying, "Wei? Wei? (the product of having a Mandarin speaking nanny)." He then disappears into the bathroom portion of our room...out of sight.

By now Nathan is done so I put him down and go track down Daniel. Does Nathan follow me into the bathroom? No way. He somehow gets the door open and he's off and running down the hall.

This kind of stuff might have stressed us out at one point in time but not now...not anymore. We actually get a kick out of it now. If you have young kids and feel like trying this sometime, let your kid run around behind you while you're blindfolded and standing in a corner. It's loads of fun.

Cheeeese!!!

Both of the boys have started saying a few words lately. Among them: Ma Ma, Daddy, Jia Jia (sister). Daniel's latest word is Cheeeese! If he sees you pointing a camera at him he will stop whatever he is doing, face you, and show off all eight of his teeth with a huge grin while saying, "CHEEEESE!"

Who Needs a Roomba?

We spent this afternoon taking down the Christmas tree and putting everything away. Unfortunately, the tree left an incredible amount of pine needles everywhere. Every ornament we took off and each strand of lights seemed to shake more needles onto the carpet. When I picked up the tree and brought it outside I left a wake of pine needles through the living room, out the front door, and onto the driveway.

Fortunately, I somehow pulled a Jedi mind trick on Rachel and got her excited with helping me clean up the living room. The amazing part was both boys also wanted to get in on the action. Next thing we knew, Yvonne and I are standing around and all three kids are vacuuming the living room and having a blast. Who needs a Roomba when you have free child labor?

Here's the video clip:

This video is going to haunt the kids as they grow up. If they ever ask, I'll claim that on this day they promised to vacuum for the next 18 years if I would just let them suck up the pine needles.

Uh oh...

As part of our morning routine we get the boys changed and dressed in their rooms in the morning and then bring them down to the family room where they can run around, eat some dry cereal for a snack, and play with their toys. These guys are pretty...well..."regular" if you know what I mean so I can expect some funny facial expressions and grunting within the first hour or two.

Well, this morning Nathan did his business and I promptly got him on the changing table and started dealing with the hazmat situation (wishing I had my gas mask). About 30 seconds into the change, I heard an evil sounding giggle from across the room. I turned in time to see Daniel with a full bag of cereal in one hand and the binder clip (which used to be on the cereal bag) in the other hand. People in severe high stress situations often describe time stopping or slowing down during the critical incident. Well, time stopped for me. I immediately flashed back to an incident a couple weeks back when Daniel grabbed hold of a cereal bag and proceeded to turn it upside down, gleefully watching the cereal balls (Trader Joe's Gorrilla Munch) rolling all over the floor. I'm sure this is what he was also thinking about when our eyes met . I swear he had a Clint Eastwood expression on his face saying, "Well...I got one question for you punk...do you feel lucky? Huh? Well, do ya?"

I didn't want to risk leaving a not-yet-changed Nathan perched on the changing table (not to mention the havoc he could cause with...well, you know) so I started negotiating with my 17-month old child. It wasn't pretty but I think the verbal stalling tactic (pleading, making strange noises, jumping up and down) worked as Daniel stopped in his tracks while I quickly finished up with Nathan. In the end, disaster was averted...this time.

Costco

The nice thing about Costco shopping carts is the fact that they are larger and can fit two kids in the seat portion of the cart. Unfortunately, they don't have some sort of third row seating for Rachel. It's also unfortunate that they're not equipped with DVD rear entertainment systems.

When we shop at Costco with the kids (or anywhere for that matter) it's like preparing for battle. There's a lot of thought, planning, and "on the fly" choices we make to have a successful outing. For example, this photo shows the kids seated nicely in the cart, barely moving and on their best behavior (this is because we're outside and haven't entered the store yet). The minute we flash the Costco card to enter, it's like a cue to the kids to start going nuts. The "wow" factor of the gigantic plasma TV's only keeps their attention for a minute before one of the boys wants to make a break for it and explore and Rachel wants to take a detour for some frozen yogurt. Fortunately, if we can make it to the cheese and bread aisle, there's usually some sort of handout that will keep the kids munching away for a few minutes. However, the decision to take the sample du jour can not be taken lightly as anything you give them to eat can instantly be turned into a projectile. Therefore, volume, staining ability, and level of cleanup difficulty all most be considered. Crackers, bread, or cheese? Great stuff. Clam chowder, spaghetti, or scary looking survival ration goulash? No way.

Another tactic that works well is to turn the shopping cart around and for me to play NASCAR, zooming in and out of the aisles, doing spinouts, and crashing into stuff. However, I've learned that this should only be done when the cart is fairly empty. A loaded down shopping cart with a case of bottled water, 4 gallons of milk, eggs, 3 half gallons of soy-milk, chicken, veggies, and snacks (a typical weekly supply run) handles more like an 18-wheeler than a sports car.

By the time we get in line, the kids are pretty antsy and Yvonne usually has some chocolate covered snack to buy those precious last few minutes to get us to the register. This is also the time we're inevitably asked, "Are those twins?" I'm really tempted to respond "No, this is Costco, everything comes in multiples...we got these guys on aisle 5...right next to the six-pack of screaming banshees."

Off the Deep End...

This is what happens after 15 consecutive months of not getting enough sleep.

Yvonne kept telling me about this high branch in front of a swing at a nearby park. Today we spent some time at the park where she promptly went vertical (...or rather, horizontal) as she proved to me that she could touch the branch with her foot.

I think deep down she was hoping to fall and break a bone so she could get some quiet down time in the hospital.

Tomorrow she wants to show me how it's possible to go fast and high enough to do a complete 360 and wrap the chain around the post.

Kid Math - Part 2

Oh well, two out of three isn't bad...

I think it's statistically impossible to get our three kids to smile and look at the camera at the same time. Each additional child after "1" increases the "level of impossibility" exponentially. On a good day, all three might be smiling but not necessarily looking at the camera. On a typical day one would be smiling, the second would be crying or sobbing uncontrollably, and the third would usually be completely focused on anything but taking the picture.

If you ever see a photo of all three of our kids smiling happily at the camera the picture was probably:

1. Altered via PhotoShop,
2. Taken while all three kids simultaneously looked up to see Big Foot, Yeti, and the Loch Ness Monster juggling mini-UFO's to make them laugh, or
3. Taken in the year 2027 when all three kids are adults and able to sit still for more than 10 seconds
   

The Great Equalizer

It's happened. It took place sooner than I expected but it happened. I've always joked about the day when my kids would gang up on me and collectively be able to take me down or beat me at a board game. All of that happened tonight.

For Christmas we bought the kids a Hide N' Seek Combo from Costco that looks like this (minus the innocent looking kids in the picture). I haven't had time to take a photo with our own kids yet...
As soon as it was set up, Rachel tore through it like well...a hamster in a hamster cage. All I was missing was a hamster wheel and giant upside down water bottle hanging from the wall and then I'd be set. The boys were a little apprehensive but ended up liking it a lot too. Today I had the bright idea of crawling in there with them. I found it rather tight and after making it to the center where all the tubes met, I got somewhat stuck. Also greeting me at the center were all three kids who thought it would be outrageously funny to poke, prod, and pummel dad while he was stuck and unable to defend himself. By the time I was able to start freeing myself, these guys scurried away and were so fast they could run through the maze and get me from behind. It was sheer pandemonium for a few minutes (but at least the kids had fun). I finally barricaded myself in the roomy house shaped tent and negotiated my surrender.

Later on, I ended up playing some new board games with Rachel. The first was Candyland. I started off thinking to myself that I'd "take it easy" on her and let her win a few. Well, I quit when she was ahead 3-0. The next game was called "Guess Who"...kind of like a concentration type game where you try to guess what character your opponent has. She beat me 3-0 on that too.

I'm done. We're looking for assisted living care homes this weekend.

Santa

To us, the twins look pretty different (...most of the time). However, on occasion there is absolutely, positively, no question they are identical twins....

Exhibit "A":
Santa looks like he's gritting his teeth thinking, "They don't pay me enough to do this..."

Rachel's thinking, "Hey tough guy, quit whining before I put a sleeper hold on you...besides, I have to listen to this every day!"

Twin Factoids

As the boys get older, we're seeing more of their unique personalities and preferences come out. Here are a few tidbits:

• Nathan almost always goes down a slide feet first on his stomach.
  
• He does this on the stairs too and can pick up some good speed. At times it looks like he's rappelling down the stairs because he looks over one shoulder and zips down. (I usually tell him to slow down because that's how his dad ended up breaking his leg).
  
• Daniel usually prefers going down slides feet first, sitting up.
  
• If he's wearing shoes, the friction from the soles will usually stop him fast and he'll end up either: A) Standing B) Face-Planting after a triple sow-cow, double-lutz combo or C) Stuck halfway down the slide
• If he's not wearing shoes he'll usually pick up so much speed (because of his...uh, densely packed body frame) that his feet will go up and he'll land on his backside
• On the stairs, Daniel prefers to just walk forward (never mind the fact that his legs are way to short to accomplish this). Somehow, someone has always been there to catch him so I guess in his mind, he thinks that's the right way to go down the stairs.
• 
  
• Daniel loves being thrown in the air
• Nathan loves it too.
• However, since Nathan weighs less, he catches a little more air time
• Daniel eats everything, and lots of it
• Nathan loves carbs. Baby oatmeal, plain, is his ideal meal. When he does eat any veggies or meat, every bite he takes feels like a miracle.
  
• Both like to feed off each other
  
• If one guy is spitting milk, the other has to do the same
• If one guy is trying to set distance records with Cheerios, the other has to try to break the record
• During naps they will often lay there quietly but all it takes is for one to giggle or blow a raspberry and IT'S ON. Both will then stand up, laugh hysterically, shake the crib and start running laps in the crib while trying to out-do the other.
  
• Here's a sample of what you DON'T want to hear when you've been looking forward all day to relaxing while the boys take a nap:
• 
  
• (it's pretty dark so it's a little difficult to see much... just listen.)
  

The Dinner Table

Here's a picture from a couple weeks ago when we went down to Los Angeles to visit relatives. Pictured here with Daniel are Uncle Larry and Auntie Irene (who are expecting their first child in a few months). Aside from the fact that it's a nice photo of Daniel with relatives, I find it a somewhat humorous because I can tell exactly what Daniel's thinking right now.

Placed dangerously close to him are all sorts of implements of destruction. 17 month olds have an uncanny, kung-fu-master-like, ability to grab anything near them and use them to poke, stab, or fling food or drink great distances. In this photo, Daniel is contemplating the tactical advantages of using a forearm swipe to clear the table versus the "grab the fork, stab Uncle Larry in the thigh while spilling full cup of ice water with other hand" technique.

Our LA relatives who sat around the table during this meal kept telling us what fine little gentlemen we had because they were so well behaved. Yvonne and I just laughed and shook our heads. Those who have shared a meal with us at our house know that throwing food and making messes seem to be some sort of competition between the boys. Why, just the other day we were eating dinner when I bent over to pick up some food under the table only to be greeted by an entire glass of water which came cascading down in front of me (followed by giggles of course). Fortunately, our dog Kilo is more than happy to make sure the floor remains spotless during these Olympic throwing events.

Twin Power

The nice thing about having a twin brother is you never need to pedal. Then again, it's all fun and games until your brother sends you into a cement wall or into the bushes (which of course is absolutely hilarious to the guy doing the pushing).

By the way, you may have noticed the stylin' shoes that these guys are wearing. For some reason they both absolutely LOVE those shoes. Daniel always wears the orange ones and Nathan always wears the blue ones. As soon as you put them on, they smile and do this happy dance and stomp their feet.

Just Say No to Drugs

As some of you know, we went to Disneyland last week to enjoy the Christmas decorations. As part of the festivities, we allowed Rachel to partake in sugar oblivion by getting her some cotton candy (aka "crack for kids"). Shortly after this photo was taken, Rachel proceeded to munch down a good portion of the sugar confection before I was able to stop her (we were a little busy chasing the boys). Anyway, this photo represents the last time Rachel stood still for the next few hours. She was kind of a like a Jack Russel terrier buzzing around Disneyland. Even when I told her to sit still while in line she just had this huge glazed over smile and kept rocking back and forth, giggling and dancing away.

In the police academy, you're taught to recognize the objective symptoms for people under the influence of controlled substances or stimulants. As an example, people under the influence of crack cocaine will have the following symptoms:

• elevated/rapid pulse
• fidgety
  
• inability to stand still
• sweating
• licking lips
• inattention
• inability to follow directions
  

Hmmm, you be the judge...

Bedtime Prayer

Rachel's bedtime prayer from the other night:

"Dear God, thank you for today...thank you for our family...pray that daddy's leg heals fast because he was riding in a helicopter and fell out and broke his leg and now he has a bad leg but he's feeling better and can play with me and my brothers..."

Wow

Trouble...

Frankly...I don't know quite what to say. Daniel's expression says it all.

Ponytails

In hindsight, I'm amazed Rachel has any hair left at all. For that matter, I'm amazed she still comes near me when I'm holding a hair brush.

I think the moms out there take for granted how easily they whip out origami-like creations with their daughter's hair. My only experience doing anything with rubber bands was trying to shoot my kid sister with them or better yet, wrapping them around thousands of newspapers when I used to deliver the San Francisco Chronicle in junior high.

When I first started getting Rachel ready to go in the morning, I did what any guy would do when it came time to work on the hair: Grasp a hand full of hair and try to get that tiny elastic thing around the hair without making it look like she had a shock treatment. This would be easy if Rachel stood absolutely still but no, life is not so easy. What ends up happening is Rachel squirming and complaining while I do my best rodeo rope-the-calf impression on her scalp. It usually takes me a few rounds before it looks presentable. This is compared to Yvonne who can do it almost one handed, holding a baby, without a comb, balancing on one leg, etc.

Nowadays, the process is a little quicker and less traumatic for Rachel. I'm still limited in the number of ways I can do her hair....ok ok...I only know of one way to do her pony tail so if you ever see her with anything other than the standard pony tail going out the side of her head, you'll know Yvonne probably did it. The real kicker was when I asked Rachel if she wanted a pony tail on the side of her head and she replied, "Daddy, you're silly...you don't know how to do it any other way...only mommy knows how to do the fancy ones..."

Buzz Lightyear

Our team would have scored higher but our pilot (Nathan) couldn't see over the dashboard...

Monterey Bay Aquarium

A photo from a recent trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Looking at it, you might think the kids are just zoned out gazing into the gigantic tank holding fish bigger than them. That might be true but this is what I really think is going on:

Rachel: Ok guys, play it cool...Is it safe to talk?
Daniel: What's dad doing?
Nathan: [quick glance over shoulder] He's taking a picture of us...
Daniel: ...and mom?
Rachel: She's putting stuff away in the stroller
Daniel: Ok, I'm hungry...how bout we make a break for the cafeteria?
Rachel: Too far, even with dad in that walking boot, he could still take us
Nathan: Let's free the sea otters!
Rachel: Shhhhh! Keep your voice down
Daniel: Hey look, mom's smiling at us....
Nathan: Ok ok...play it cool, DON'T make eye contact
Rachel: Oh no...here comes dad....five-o! five-o! RUN! Save yourselves!
All: [Kids split in three directions, chaos reigns]

Commercials? What are commercials?

Like most kids, ours love watching television. As a result, Rachel has recently become quite proficient at using the Tivo remote. She can't read yet but I'm convinced she's pretty close because she seems to have no problem navigating the Tivo menu to find her favorite shows (not to mention knowing how to pause, rewind, and skip through commercials). The real fun happens when we watch TV on a non-Tivo television. She just doesn't get the concept of commercials and gets frustrated when we have to sit through all those annoying ads that interrupt her shows. The same frustrations occur when we listen to the radio and she can't have her music "on demand" like on Tivo.

I can see it now...I'll be sitting in my rocking chair with grandkids all around me talking about how I used to have to sit through these "commercials" and if you wanted to see a show again you had to wait until there was a "re-run"....(of course this is after a long day of obligatory "walking through the snow, uphill both ways, hopping on one leg to keep the other warm" story).

Joe Cool

Daniel sporting his best "I'm lookin' so cool in this mini-van" look...

A Future on Stage?

A couple months back we were all at a shopping mall. Yvonne had gone off to conduct her "search and destroy" clearance rack comparison shopping while I hung out with the kids in an enclosed playground. I was kicking back sipping my coffee when I heard the following:

"Can I have your attention? Can I have your attention please? Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Introducing me...Rachel..."

So I'm thinking to myself, "That sounds a whole lot like Rachel but...no way." I turn and scan the playground to find Rachel standing on a play structure (which happens to be the highest one in the playground) shouting at the top of her lungs. She launches into this speech that had something to do with her friends. I was just sitting there shocked, mouth open and bewildered (for that matter I think Daniel was too....Nathan was with his mom).

At the end of her speech she takes a bow and jumps off her stage. Of course, I was so shocked I didn't get it on video but I begged her to do it again for the camera so here it is (not exactly the same script but close enough):

Now...it would be easy to dismiss this as a one time event. Our introverted, quiet Rachel would surely never do anything like this again. Genetically speaking, neither of her parents like being in the limelight and would never be caught dead on a stage if we could help it.

Well, shortly after this shopping mall event, I had the fortune of getting promoted. The ceremony was held at the Mountain View Center for Performing Arts on the MAIN STAGE. When it was my turn, Yvonne and Rachel made their way up to the stage so Yvonne could pin my badge on. I didn't personally see what happened next but I'm told by MANY of my friends and coworkers in the audience that while Yvonne was busy pinning the badge (being careful not to draw blood), Rachel was taking it all in, enjoying the bright lights, etc. Right before it was time for them to walk off the stage, she stopped and curtsied to everyone.

Oh boy.

Exhibit "A"

In case you didn't believe me about this post and needed proof:


Sadly, this has happened more than once...

Is it Art?

Some may say that this photo could be construed as art. The "object" in this photo (Nathan) is skillfully placed in the lower corner of the frame to highlight the perspective of the long road ahead. Is it art? The short answer is: Not really.

When I look at this photo the first thing that comes to mind is my lower back gets sore.

There are a few methods to lift heavy objects:

• Bend at the knees, keeping your back straight, picking up said object, and lifting with your legs (method approved by the American Back Association)
• Bend at the waist, grab said object around chest, and heave upward (not recommended but highly effective).
• done in the extreme, said object will propel upwards, nearly striking ceiling but eliciting giggles and laughter from object. Grandmothers within immediate vicinity may shriek in terror
  
• Take a running start, bend over, scoop said object around chest with one hand (hoping that you've grabbed enough of the object so you don't drop him), quickly plant foot and turn 180 degrees to run after secondary (but similar) object traveling at a high rate of speed away from you....after catching up with secondary object, bend over again (using primary object as counterweight), scoop with empty hand, and hoist upwards (method not condoned by the American Back Association and outlawed in 1890)