Kid Math - Part 2

Oh well, two out of three isn't bad...

I think it's statistically impossible to get our three kids to smile and look at the camera at the same time. Each additional child after "1" increases the "level of impossibility" exponentially. On a good day, all three might be smiling but not necessarily looking at the camera. On a typical day one would be smiling, the second would be crying or sobbing uncontrollably, and the third would usually be completely focused on anything but taking the picture.

If you ever see a photo of all three of our kids smiling happily at the camera the picture was probably:

1. Altered via PhotoShop,
2. Taken while all three kids simultaneously looked up to see Big Foot, Yeti, and the Loch Ness Monster juggling mini-UFO's to make them laugh, or
3. Taken in the year 2027 when all three kids are adults and able to sit still for more than 10 seconds
   

The Great Equalizer

It's happened. It took place sooner than I expected but it happened. I've always joked about the day when my kids would gang up on me and collectively be able to take me down or beat me at a board game. All of that happened tonight.

For Christmas we bought the kids a Hide N' Seek Combo from Costco that looks like this (minus the innocent looking kids in the picture). I haven't had time to take a photo with our own kids yet...
As soon as it was set up, Rachel tore through it like well...a hamster in a hamster cage. All I was missing was a hamster wheel and giant upside down water bottle hanging from the wall and then I'd be set. The boys were a little apprehensive but ended up liking it a lot too. Today I had the bright idea of crawling in there with them. I found it rather tight and after making it to the center where all the tubes met, I got somewhat stuck. Also greeting me at the center were all three kids who thought it would be outrageously funny to poke, prod, and pummel dad while he was stuck and unable to defend himself. By the time I was able to start freeing myself, these guys scurried away and were so fast they could run through the maze and get me from behind. It was sheer pandemonium for a few minutes (but at least the kids had fun). I finally barricaded myself in the roomy house shaped tent and negotiated my surrender.

Later on, I ended up playing some new board games with Rachel. The first was Candyland. I started off thinking to myself that I'd "take it easy" on her and let her win a few. Well, I quit when she was ahead 3-0. The next game was called "Guess Who"...kind of like a concentration type game where you try to guess what character your opponent has. She beat me 3-0 on that too.

I'm done. We're looking for assisted living care homes this weekend.

Santa

To us, the twins look pretty different (...most of the time). However, on occasion there is absolutely, positively, no question they are identical twins....

Exhibit "A":
Santa looks like he's gritting his teeth thinking, "They don't pay me enough to do this..."

Rachel's thinking, "Hey tough guy, quit whining before I put a sleeper hold on you...besides, I have to listen to this every day!"

Twin Factoids

As the boys get older, we're seeing more of their unique personalities and preferences come out. Here are a few tidbits:

• Nathan almost always goes down a slide feet first on his stomach.
  
• He does this on the stairs too and can pick up some good speed. At times it looks like he's rappelling down the stairs because he looks over one shoulder and zips down. (I usually tell him to slow down because that's how his dad ended up breaking his leg).
  
• Daniel usually prefers going down slides feet first, sitting up.
  
• If he's wearing shoes, the friction from the soles will usually stop him fast and he'll end up either: A) Standing B) Face-Planting after a triple sow-cow, double-lutz combo or C) Stuck halfway down the slide
• If he's not wearing shoes he'll usually pick up so much speed (because of his...uh, densely packed body frame) that his feet will go up and he'll land on his backside
• On the stairs, Daniel prefers to just walk forward (never mind the fact that his legs are way to short to accomplish this). Somehow, someone has always been there to catch him so I guess in his mind, he thinks that's the right way to go down the stairs.
• 
  
• Daniel loves being thrown in the air
• Nathan loves it too.
• However, since Nathan weighs less, he catches a little more air time
• Daniel eats everything, and lots of it
• Nathan loves carbs. Baby oatmeal, plain, is his ideal meal. When he does eat any veggies or meat, every bite he takes feels like a miracle.
  
• Both like to feed off each other
  
• If one guy is spitting milk, the other has to do the same
• If one guy is trying to set distance records with Cheerios, the other has to try to break the record
• During naps they will often lay there quietly but all it takes is for one to giggle or blow a raspberry and IT'S ON. Both will then stand up, laugh hysterically, shake the crib and start running laps in the crib while trying to out-do the other.
  
• Here's a sample of what you DON'T want to hear when you've been looking forward all day to relaxing while the boys take a nap:
• 
  
• (it's pretty dark so it's a little difficult to see much... just listen.)
  

The Dinner Table

Here's a picture from a couple weeks ago when we went down to Los Angeles to visit relatives. Pictured here with Daniel are Uncle Larry and Auntie Irene (who are expecting their first child in a few months). Aside from the fact that it's a nice photo of Daniel with relatives, I find it a somewhat humorous because I can tell exactly what Daniel's thinking right now.

Placed dangerously close to him are all sorts of implements of destruction. 17 month olds have an uncanny, kung-fu-master-like, ability to grab anything near them and use them to poke, stab, or fling food or drink great distances. In this photo, Daniel is contemplating the tactical advantages of using a forearm swipe to clear the table versus the "grab the fork, stab Uncle Larry in the thigh while spilling full cup of ice water with other hand" technique.

Our LA relatives who sat around the table during this meal kept telling us what fine little gentlemen we had because they were so well behaved. Yvonne and I just laughed and shook our heads. Those who have shared a meal with us at our house know that throwing food and making messes seem to be some sort of competition between the boys. Why, just the other day we were eating dinner when I bent over to pick up some food under the table only to be greeted by an entire glass of water which came cascading down in front of me (followed by giggles of course). Fortunately, our dog Kilo is more than happy to make sure the floor remains spotless during these Olympic throwing events.

Twin Power

The nice thing about having a twin brother is you never need to pedal. Then again, it's all fun and games until your brother sends you into a cement wall or into the bushes (which of course is absolutely hilarious to the guy doing the pushing).

By the way, you may have noticed the stylin' shoes that these guys are wearing. For some reason they both absolutely LOVE those shoes. Daniel always wears the orange ones and Nathan always wears the blue ones. As soon as you put them on, they smile and do this happy dance and stomp their feet.

Just Say No to Drugs

As some of you know, we went to Disneyland last week to enjoy the Christmas decorations. As part of the festivities, we allowed Rachel to partake in sugar oblivion by getting her some cotton candy (aka "crack for kids"). Shortly after this photo was taken, Rachel proceeded to munch down a good portion of the sugar confection before I was able to stop her (we were a little busy chasing the boys). Anyway, this photo represents the last time Rachel stood still for the next few hours. She was kind of a like a Jack Russel terrier buzzing around Disneyland. Even when I told her to sit still while in line she just had this huge glazed over smile and kept rocking back and forth, giggling and dancing away.

In the police academy, you're taught to recognize the objective symptoms for people under the influence of controlled substances or stimulants. As an example, people under the influence of crack cocaine will have the following symptoms:

• elevated/rapid pulse
• fidgety
  
• inability to stand still
• sweating
• licking lips
• inattention
• inability to follow directions
  

Hmmm, you be the judge...

Bedtime Prayer

Rachel's bedtime prayer from the other night:

"Dear God, thank you for today...thank you for our family...pray that daddy's leg heals fast because he was riding in a helicopter and fell out and broke his leg and now he has a bad leg but he's feeling better and can play with me and my brothers..."

Wow

Trouble...

Frankly...I don't know quite what to say. Daniel's expression says it all.

Ponytails

In hindsight, I'm amazed Rachel has any hair left at all. For that matter, I'm amazed she still comes near me when I'm holding a hair brush.

I think the moms out there take for granted how easily they whip out origami-like creations with their daughter's hair. My only experience doing anything with rubber bands was trying to shoot my kid sister with them or better yet, wrapping them around thousands of newspapers when I used to deliver the San Francisco Chronicle in junior high.

When I first started getting Rachel ready to go in the morning, I did what any guy would do when it came time to work on the hair: Grasp a hand full of hair and try to get that tiny elastic thing around the hair without making it look like she had a shock treatment. This would be easy if Rachel stood absolutely still but no, life is not so easy. What ends up happening is Rachel squirming and complaining while I do my best rodeo rope-the-calf impression on her scalp. It usually takes me a few rounds before it looks presentable. This is compared to Yvonne who can do it almost one handed, holding a baby, without a comb, balancing on one leg, etc.

Nowadays, the process is a little quicker and less traumatic for Rachel. I'm still limited in the number of ways I can do her hair....ok ok...I only know of one way to do her pony tail so if you ever see her with anything other than the standard pony tail going out the side of her head, you'll know Yvonne probably did it. The real kicker was when I asked Rachel if she wanted a pony tail on the side of her head and she replied, "Daddy, you're silly...you don't know how to do it any other way...only mommy knows how to do the fancy ones..."

Buzz Lightyear

Our team would have scored higher but our pilot (Nathan) couldn't see over the dashboard...

Monterey Bay Aquarium

A photo from a recent trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Looking at it, you might think the kids are just zoned out gazing into the gigantic tank holding fish bigger than them. That might be true but this is what I really think is going on:

Rachel: Ok guys, play it cool...Is it safe to talk?
Daniel: What's dad doing?
Nathan: [quick glance over shoulder] He's taking a picture of us...
Daniel: ...and mom?
Rachel: She's putting stuff away in the stroller
Daniel: Ok, I'm hungry...how bout we make a break for the cafeteria?
Rachel: Too far, even with dad in that walking boot, he could still take us
Nathan: Let's free the sea otters!
Rachel: Shhhhh! Keep your voice down
Daniel: Hey look, mom's smiling at us....
Nathan: Ok ok...play it cool, DON'T make eye contact
Rachel: Oh no...here comes dad....five-o! five-o! RUN! Save yourselves!
All: [Kids split in three directions, chaos reigns]

Commercials? What are commercials?

Like most kids, ours love watching television. As a result, Rachel has recently become quite proficient at using the Tivo remote. She can't read yet but I'm convinced she's pretty close because she seems to have no problem navigating the Tivo menu to find her favorite shows (not to mention knowing how to pause, rewind, and skip through commercials). The real fun happens when we watch TV on a non-Tivo television. She just doesn't get the concept of commercials and gets frustrated when we have to sit through all those annoying ads that interrupt her shows. The same frustrations occur when we listen to the radio and she can't have her music "on demand" like on Tivo.

I can see it now...I'll be sitting in my rocking chair with grandkids all around me talking about how I used to have to sit through these "commercials" and if you wanted to see a show again you had to wait until there was a "re-run"....(of course this is after a long day of obligatory "walking through the snow, uphill both ways, hopping on one leg to keep the other warm" story).

Joe Cool

Daniel sporting his best "I'm lookin' so cool in this mini-van" look...

A Future on Stage?

A couple months back we were all at a shopping mall. Yvonne had gone off to conduct her "search and destroy" clearance rack comparison shopping while I hung out with the kids in an enclosed playground. I was kicking back sipping my coffee when I heard the following:

"Can I have your attention? Can I have your attention please? Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Introducing me...Rachel..."

So I'm thinking to myself, "That sounds a whole lot like Rachel but...no way." I turn and scan the playground to find Rachel standing on a play structure (which happens to be the highest one in the playground) shouting at the top of her lungs. She launches into this speech that had something to do with her friends. I was just sitting there shocked, mouth open and bewildered (for that matter I think Daniel was too....Nathan was with his mom).

At the end of her speech she takes a bow and jumps off her stage. Of course, I was so shocked I didn't get it on video but I begged her to do it again for the camera so here it is (not exactly the same script but close enough):

Now...it would be easy to dismiss this as a one time event. Our introverted, quiet Rachel would surely never do anything like this again. Genetically speaking, neither of her parents like being in the limelight and would never be caught dead on a stage if we could help it.

Well, shortly after this shopping mall event, I had the fortune of getting promoted. The ceremony was held at the Mountain View Center for Performing Arts on the MAIN STAGE. When it was my turn, Yvonne and Rachel made their way up to the stage so Yvonne could pin my badge on. I didn't personally see what happened next but I'm told by MANY of my friends and coworkers in the audience that while Yvonne was busy pinning the badge (being careful not to draw blood), Rachel was taking it all in, enjoying the bright lights, etc. Right before it was time for them to walk off the stage, she stopped and curtsied to everyone.

Oh boy.

Exhibit "A"

In case you didn't believe me about this post and needed proof:


Sadly, this has happened more than once...

Is it Art?

Some may say that this photo could be construed as art. The "object" in this photo (Nathan) is skillfully placed in the lower corner of the frame to highlight the perspective of the long road ahead. Is it art? The short answer is: Not really.

When I look at this photo the first thing that comes to mind is my lower back gets sore.

There are a few methods to lift heavy objects:

• Bend at the knees, keeping your back straight, picking up said object, and lifting with your legs (method approved by the American Back Association)
• Bend at the waist, grab said object around chest, and heave upward (not recommended but highly effective).
• done in the extreme, said object will propel upwards, nearly striking ceiling but eliciting giggles and laughter from object. Grandmothers within immediate vicinity may shriek in terror
  
• Take a running start, bend over, scoop said object around chest with one hand (hoping that you've grabbed enough of the object so you don't drop him), quickly plant foot and turn 180 degrees to run after secondary (but similar) object traveling at a high rate of speed away from you....after catching up with secondary object, bend over again (using primary object as counterweight), scoop with empty hand, and hoist upwards (method not condoned by the American Back Association and outlawed in 1890)

Like Father, Like Sons

I've never really been drawn to candy or chocolate BUT...I have a huge weak spot for chocolate milk. I think I have the "propensity to be addicted to chocolate milk" gene and I'm afraid it's been passed onto the boys....


These guys can finish most of the glass without coming up for air. That is unless any (or all) of the following take place:

1. fighting over the spoon
2. flicking the straws and milk at each other (complete with Matrix-style slow motion action while they duck out of the way of the flying milk)
   
3. stare down (accompanied by John Wayne western soundtrack in the background)
4. screaming at the top of their lungs while facing off sumo-wrestler style (most entertaining when wearing only diapers)
   
5. all out Ultimate Fighter ground fighting (complete with fenced in baby-gate ring)
1. At this point Rachel will usually jump in the middle to referee the match
   
2. Whichever parent is present will glance over at the chaos, shrug shoulders, and finish chores

The end result is usually the same....A lot of crying over spilled milk.

Kid Math - Part 1

A few weeks back we took the kids to Natural Bridges State Beach with hopes of seeing some of the Monarch Butterflies that migrate there each year. We brought Rachel's good friend Rebecca along too. I've always had a habit of observing people and my surroundings so I began to notice the reaction of people as they walked by us:

First glance: Cordial eye contact followed by polite smile

Second glance: Eyes travel down to twins sitting in stroller, smile remains (but they're thinking, "how cute....you must have your hands full")

Third glance: Eyes travel to Rachel and Rebecca, smile disappears, look of shock on their face..."you have two sets of twins!??!?...What were you thinking? Are you out of your mind?"

After explaining that Rebecca was just a friend of Rachel's but only two months apart, people would walk away shaking their heads. We had interactions like these with just about everyone we walked by.

Before I get into the math part I should probably confess that I BARELY passed geometry in high school and (true story) made a deal with my Math Analysis teacher to pass me as long as I didn't cut class and showed up everyday. Now you know why I never became a doctor, engineer, or rocket scientist. With that being said, here's my math theory with kids:

2 + 1 + 1 = 2

I know...it's profound but it makes complete sense to me. Here's the translation: 2 (Nathan & Daniel) + 1 (Rachel) + 1 (Rebecca) = 2....only having to take care of 2 kids. Yvonne and I have found that bringing a friend of Rachel's along actually makes things much easier. Rachel doesn't get bored, has a blast playing with her friend, and the parents are much happier and relaxed. It's like they cancel each other out.


By the way, the math teacher honored the deal and passed me.

Bottoms Up!

Yes, that would be our daughter slamming back her drink while the rest of her friends are carefully having tea time...

Oops

This collage started out as an experiment while playing around with Picasa. It turned out okay so I ordered an enlargement, framed it, and surprised Yvonne with it on her birthday. The only problem, as Yvonne kindly revealed to me, was I had made a minor mistake in identifying one of our boys so one of them has more photos than the other. At first I didn't think that was possible since I spent quite of bit of time making sure I had equal representation of all of our kids (and I usually do pretty good telling our guys apart). To date, I don't think Yvonne has ever confused them (for that matter, she can easily distinguish their voices, cries, etc). Oops.

Oh well, see if you can tell the difference.

...Zone Defense - Part 2

The prior post would imply that we're largely successful in corralling our flock of kids. For the most part, I'd like to think we do a decent job. There are, however, a few holes in our defense every now and then.

I'm reminded of one such occasion in our kitchen where Nathan put on his game face (you know, the giant look-at-me-daddy smile) while drinking some milk from a sippy cup. For a reason that will become apparent in a few seconds, he looks at me and then throws his cup. The lid explodes and milk goes everywhere. As I'm frantically trying to find the nearest tissue box (we have them strategically placed EVERYWHERE in the house) I see a blur go by me but don't pay much attention as I try to clean up the milk that's on the floor (Nathan still has his "game face" on). Just as I'm about finished, I hear Daniel behind me: "Uh-oh....UH OH....UH OHH!!!!!" No, Daniel didn't have an accident, he simply picked up Kilo's water dish and poured it all over our hallway. He likes to say "uh oh" a lot...especially when he's the one who causes the "uh oh".

Analysis: After all of the cleanup was finished I had a minute to reflect on things. I was basically a victim of a well executed screen play. Nathan got me focused on him and his little mishap. After seeing my attention was diverted, Daniel made a beeline to the water bowl to complete the play and score the goal. I had to admit: That was nicely done...

If you've been to our house lately you've probably seen the abundance of baby gates everywhere you look. Now you know why.

Switching to Zone Defense - Part 1

In football or basketball, you have a choice to use a "man on man" defense or "zone" defense. The first option is exactly what it sounds like. Each defender picks a player and sticks with them no matter where they go on the playing field. The second option requires a little more defensive coordination but correctly done, can be equally, if not better at covering players.

When Rachel went mobile and started walking, Yvonne and I could easily go with either defensive option because the parent-to-child ratio was 2:1. As a firstborn child, she was never out of our sight and wouldn't be further than an arms reach away.

The boys however were a different story. When they came along, the grown-ups were officially outnumbered. Now that the boys are walking, they find no pleasure in sticking together (no...that would be too easy for us). Instead, they almost always venture off in opposite directions.

Take a close look at this picture taken at the Stanford Shopping Center. It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words.... this is what I see when I look at the photo:

• You can't really see it in the photo but Nathan (on the right) is peering through the bars and contemplating how he can get into the water on the other side.
  
• Seeing that I'm focused on taking a picture of Nathan, Daniel takes off in a sprint (Yvonne was on the other side of the planter box getting Rachel situated in a stroller)
• The relaxed (probably child-less) couple approaching Daniel are likely on a nice stroll through the mall without a care in the world. They're probably thinking, "Aww, look at this kid stumbling towards us....Where are his parents? Is he alone? How irresponsible of the parents to just let the kid wander off....can't they control him? Maybe we should call the police."
  
• At this point I shoot Yvonne a one-second look that basically says, "We got a runner, you have Nathan and Rachel, I'm going after Daniel." Or, in defensive talk, "Shift your zone coverage over here because I'm breaking cover to go after the runner..."
• I finally catch up to Daniel, scoop him up, and give a polite smile to the couple. They look at me and are probably thinking, "When we have kids, we'll never be irresponsible and let them take off like that..."

Here's the kicker: This is just about a daily occurrence for us.

So it begins...

When Rachel was born, I meant to start some sort of journal to capture the fun and excitement of raising a child. There were far too many times when she would say or do something which "just had to be written down" but I must confess that I fell prey to the daily hustle and bustle of parenting and never got around to it. Now, 4 1/2 years later, to say I'm "a little behind" is understating that fact. Rachel is now a VERY talkative pre-schooler with a strong personality, very much into the whole "Princess" thing, and a great older sister (well...most of the time).

Nathan and Daniel just turned 16 months old and as parents, I think we we can now make out the light at the end of the tunnel (although a coworker who has twins reminds me that the "tunnel" doesn't really end...it just keeps turning and twisting...).

Thus, this blog is a belated attempt to capture the fun, head-shaking, unbelievable, you-gotta-see-this, times of the wild Hsiung family adventures. As time and memory permits, I'll try to flash back over certain vivid memories to fill in the 4 1/2 years I've lost already...